Not Once, Not Again
by SatisfactoryInfluence
Summary: She doesn't think he'll ever come back.


**Author:** Jenna  
**Pairing / Character:** Logan, Veronica, Implied friends  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count:** 801  
**Summary:** She can't remember, she won't remember.  
**Spoilers / Warnings:** No Spoilers.  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing! That's all Rob Thomas.  
**Author's note:** This was very spur of the moment, it just came to mind and I wrote. Plese tell me what you think! It takes place like, maybe after college is over. It just takes place whenever your mind wants it to.

She needed the feeling again. The feeling of peace you get when you take in the perfect amount of air. The peace you get when you feel your own body warmth surrounding you under the duvet. The peace you get when you're in love.

But it will never be the same, not anymore.

The warm sand in her feet didn't do it for her. It just made her want to cry, and she did.

That's all she did lately.

Her sheets were drenched from all the tears, and her eyes were swollen ninety percent of the time. Her eyes were swollen the other ten percent too, those were just the times she had enough willpower to put on a little bit of make-up.

It took her a while to realize that she hated this business. You see things you don't want to see, you find out things about people that you don't want to know.

She didn't want to know this, and she doesn't want to know why it happened.

--

Her mind was full of thoughts, just trying to block out the one she didn't want to think about. It didn't work, because the other thoughts were just blocked out, as if she was playing games with her own mind.

She couldn't handle it, but she tried. Around people, she didn't cry.

They wouldn't understand.

No one understands.

She can't face the things that remind her of it, which is almost everything. She can't go anywhere, in fear that she'll remember.

She can't remember.

She doesn't want to remember.

She won't remember.

--

Most of her days are spent at home, watching 80s teen movies and eating twelve times her daily required calorie intake. But every movie has something.

Something that makes her mind click.

She's resorted to movies about Global Warming and McDonalds, but even those are too much.

--

She gets a lot of attention. More then she thinks she deserves, and more then she wants.

She just wants to be alone, because nothing matters anymore. He won't come visit her, as much as she wants him to, he won't.

Maybe he wasn't the one.

But she knows he was. That's what eats her away inside.

She's gained six pounds since it happened, but it's okay because she's petite anyways.

She wants everything to end. The sadness, the scent of self-denial and disrespect flowing out of her body and the constant crying.

She wants to move on.

But she knows she won't, and she thinks she wants to go away for good.

But he might come back for her, and she doesn't want to take the chance of leaving.

--

She thinks people might be starting to hate her because she's ignoring everyone.

They don't hate her.

She still thinks they do.

She's resorted to silence, because the movies can't mend what's already been broken. But she finds that the silence is worse. It makes her won't to shrivel up and just get away from this place.

So she turns on the movies.

--

Whatever the doctors given her makes her feel light-headed and on top of the clouds. It makes her feel as if nothing ever happened, and that she can just float around and watch the world pass her by.

It only lasts a couple of hours.

Then everything comes back and hits her at once, and it seems worse then it did before.

The doctor said it might happen at first, that things would get better.

But she didn't like the way it started, so she doesn't think she'll like the way it ends. The bottle ends up in the swimming pool outside her apartment complex.

It's better that way.

--

Things are finally starting to look up. She saw him today, and things were good. They smiled at each other, and laughed.

It washed away the feeling of the past couple of months, and she's finally happy again.

She starts to talk to all of her friends, and she found out that they don't hate her.

She's lost the six pounds she gained.

But it's all a dream. And the harsh reality of the next morning is the worst feeling she's gotten yet.

All she can do is cry. So much that she feels there isn't an ounce of liquid left in her body.

When she can't cry anymore she just laughs.

--

After all of the months spent trying to forget, she finally remembers.

She remembers the black velvet box in his pocket, lying open on the ground beside him.

She remembers the body.

She remembers thinking that she was dreaming.

She remembers realizing that she wasn't.

She remembers the initial denial.

She remembers the tears.

She remembers 'Logan Echolls, Great Friend, Brother and Fiancé.'

She remembers telling herself, that she would have said yes.


End file.
